MUTE / NUMB Tales Of Mere Existence

Inner Motivation

Pray as if everything depends on God, then work as if everything depends on you.

St. Augustine

http://all.worth1000.com/artists/paulbillett

Moved by you

Lifehouse- Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Time

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

Rose Kennedy

By: http://www.flickr.com/people/chchtr/

Reticent

I have been so drowned in my everyday predicaments, that I have become reticent.
I'm sorry that I have been such a terrible friend- that I have been so absorbed by my own issues, that I have been unable to be there for you...

I know you want to be there for me, but I keep pushing you away. I don't know why. Solitude seems to be the only way that I can maintain my poise.

"You are talented, intelligent, and beautiful. You can and will achieve the things you want to. I promise you."

Thank you for your kind words.

Nostalgia

Insomnia is killing me.

Hey Yang,
Do you remember my Sunday morning routine? Well, take a look at the following secret:

Do you remember that secret I wrote about 2 summers ago? I wonder if you still have it....

Give Praise to the most high

As I was driving home from work today, I set my ipod on shuffle and "Appreciation" by Outlandish came on. It really got me thinking...
Don't forget to give praise to the most high !




Appreciation


As I got up this morning
U watched me and hoped I'd talk to U
Even if it was just a few words
Askin' your opinion, 
Thankin' U for something good that happened, Lord
But U noticed I was too busy
Tryin' to find the right clothes matchin' with the right shoes and I
Ran around the house getting ready 
U knew there would be minutes to stop and say hello 
But I still I were too busy 
And at one point I had to wait doing nuttin' 
Then U saw me spring to my feet
Thought I wanted to talk
But I ran to the phone
Called a friend... Wassup!

Ok now it's time for us to talk
So I find and empty room but hesitation is in my heart
A look down the hall ...nobody there so I close the door
Take of my new jacket? Man I can't put this on the floor
I'm a have this conversation standin' or my jeans will get dirty
Better yet I'm a sit on this chair right here 'cause I feel a bit lazy
Almost forgot to pull the curtains so no one can look in
And just when I'm about to utter U some words
Someone steps in 
Embarrassed by the moment
I jump up and come up with some stupid excuse
Like I was looking for something
All while U were watchin' me patiently
Ready to give more chances
With the hope
That eventually at some point I will speak to U

U give me so much
U wait all day for a nod
A prayer or a thought
A thankful part of my heart

To all my moros back home
All day workin' hard
Struggling all week
Every dawn standing tall

I know U noticed that before lunch I looked around
I felt embarrassed to talk to U
That is why I didn't bow my head
Glanced 3 or 4 tables over, saw some of my friends talking to U
But I did not, there is still more time left
Hope that I will talk to U yet, but I
Went home and seemed as if I had lots of things to do 
After that what is on TV
Suddenly I felt too tired to talk to U
Fell asleep in no time without a thought for U
I know it's hard to have a one sided conversation
Well give me some days to try again and again and again

Pasé por enfrente de tu casa esta mañana muy temprano
No me dio ni por llamarte, saludarte lo cual es muy extraño
Ahora que la luz está apagada estoy pensando
Si sólo cuando yo lo necesito conversamos
O si sólo cuando temo me haces falta
A cada instante tu retrato está en mi espalda
Me equivoco en muchas de cosas
Y defectos tengo más de cien
Estoy luchando, tú lo sabes bien

[Translation]
I came by your house very early this morning
I didn't stop to call you or say hi, and that's quite strange
Now that the lights are out, I'm thinking
If we only talk when I need it
Or if I only miss you when I'm afraid
I always carry you on my bag
Any moment you're out of my sight
I make mistakes in so many ways and
Faults, I have more than 100
I'm Struggling, you know I am

Appreciatin' is something I be forgettin'
Every second, 24/11, I?m a forgetful servant, I gotta be prayin' though
Appreciatin', when suffering, calamities call, 
My soul be hospitalized and all gonna be alright

To all my moros back home
All day workin' hard
Struggling all week
Every dawn standing tall

To all my moros sheddin' tears
Still greet with warm smiles
Patiently throughout the years
Give praise to the most high

To all my moros back home
All day workin' hard
Struggling all week
Every dawn standing tall

To all my moros sheddin' tears
Still greet with warm smiles
Patiently throughout the years
Give praise to the most high

Vicissitude

In a recent conversation with someone who is very close to my heart, I was told:

"You have changed a lot over the years. You have really matured. But at the end of the day, to you, a butterfly will be a butterfly."

Somehow, that sentence really touched me. 

A very accurate sentence if I may say ;) 

"The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it."

Marcus Aurelius

Ps. I will make it my mission to visit a zen garden one day... 

Essentials of Happiness

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

- Allan K. Chalmers

Credo

"Live fully, love deeply, let go with no bitterness." 

Paulo Coelho

Imperturbable

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements ... even if it leads nowhere...

Permutation

I was recently reunited with an old friend of mine.
I remembered him as a sweet, smart, and shy guy who used to walk with me home almost everyday from school. He was kind, caring and had the most beautiful blue eyes.
I expected our first time meeting after 10 years to be awkward ... but it was far from that. We spoke for hours. He was still kind, caring and I couldn't help but drown in his blue eyes.

It turned out, that although we grew up only a few blocks away from each other, we had disparate teenage years. It was as if we each grew in our own distinctive bubbles, unaware of each other's surroundings. I had grown up in a safer, more conservative bubble; whereas he grew up in a precarious, vicious and barbed bubble. Yes imagine that, a barbed bubble. A volatile, virulent, and verboten bubble. Most of the stories he shared, scarred and traumatized me. I couldn't believe that anyone would be capable of leading such an anomalous life- specially someone I knew !
After sharing many of his life experiences, he assured me that he had changed- for the better. I was under the impression that he had learned his lessonS !! (plural !!!!) Perhaps he was being equivocal, or perhaps I'm easily deceived. Or maybe, just maybe... he really meant it.

I believe in the axiom (well my own made up axiom), that people are capable of change; therefore when he asserted that he had changed- I believed him.

Unfortunately, a situation came up... where I got involved (in a very minute way). The situation proved that he had not changed.... I was (and still am) so disappointed.
I tried talking to him, begging him to change. We are still young, and we have the time and resources to change. I realize that it is an arduous task to change when a certain life style has become habitual. BUT, his barbed bubble has proven to be VOLATILE, VIRULENT, and VERBOTEN ... OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. How many times does a person need to hit a dead end, in order to realize that the path he was taking would NOT get him out of the maze, and a new path is required???????

The situation was somewhat ... despicable. Truth be told, I was frightened- mainly because I was in an unorthodox predicament, and I didn't have any intrinsic or extraneous knowledge of what to do, or even how to feel. Consequently, I may have acted discourteous towards him. And for that... I'm sorry.

Are people capable of change?
I STILL believe that they are. If need be, please read my entry on change:

http://searching-for-tranquility.blogspot.com/2010/08/change.html

Can my friend change? YES HE CAN ! I see the potential in him. I KNOW he can change. It will be an extremely difficult task, but if he truly wanted to, he can. Perhaps he will need to leave the city, perhaps he may have to start from scratch- nevertheless, it will be better than where he is now.

If you are reading this, please know that there are people who care. Surround yourself with positive and influential people. Try to live a simple, humble life, unaffected by ... well.. you know...
Taking the first step, will be exhausting, but don't give up. I promise you will get somewhere better.
I will help you, I'm sure others will too. But you have to HELP yourself.
You can achieve anything !!! You are capable !!! Your current lifestyle, is destructive and will not end well. It will take some perseverance ... but it will be worth it at the end. You deserve a calm and happy life. You deserve a tranquil life. Please set goals and achieve them. You are capable.
It may be easy to continue what you are doing, and dig an even deeper hole. But I promise you, that in this case, grass IS greener on the other side. Hop over.

I hope you move on and never look back. Determination WILL get you through this. You must make some firm, lucid goals, and work as hard as you can to achieve them. TRYING will not be good enough. You must achieve. 

Please be good to yourself. Be the best that you can be. 

Succinct

I haven't blogged in a while, and if I have, they have been mainly pictures or quotes, and not words of my own- mainly because I'm Speechless. 
I hear, but I cannot respond. I see, but I cannot verbalize. I feel, but I cannot express. 


Mother Teresa's outlook on silence:


"Listen in silence because if your heart is full of other things you cannot hear the voice of God. But when you have listened to the voice of God in the stillness of your heart, then your heart is filled with God."


"Silence of the heart is necessary so you can hear God everywhere — in the closing of a door, in the person who needs you, in the birds that sing, in the flowers, in the animals."


To make possible true inner silence, practice:

Silence of the eyes, by seeking always the beauty and goodness of God everywhere, and closing them to the faults of others and to all that is sinful and disturbing to the soul.

Silence of the ears, by listening always to the voice of God and to the cry of the poor and the needy, and closing them to all other voices that come from fallen human nature, such as gossip, tale bearing, and uncharitable words.

Silence of the tongue, by praising God and speaking the life-giving Word of God that is the truth, that enlightens and inspires, brings peace, hope, and joy; and by refraining from self-defense and every word that causes darkness, turmoil, pain, and death.

Silence of the mind, by opening it to the truth and knowledge of God in prayer and contemplation, like Mary who pondered the marvels of the Lord in her heart, and by closing it to all untruths, distractions, destructive thoughts, rash judgments, false suspicions of others, vengeful thoughts, and desires.

Silence of the heart, by loving God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength; loving one another as God loves; and avoiding all selfishness, hatred, envy, jealousy, and greed.

You have the power !

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Written by Max Ehrmann

I will remember ...

Kurt Halsey-Frederiksen

Hope

"Hope is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul, 

And sings the tune--without the words, 

And never stops at all"

- Emily Dickinson

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11094220@N04/3295466377

Motivation

Are you a motivated person? 
If so, does your motivation come from within or is it from an external source? 


I personally think we should motivate ourselves instead of relying on an external factor to propel us forward. Its fantastic to have a support system that will nourish and encourage our motives, but if we depend on others to motivate us, we are only setting ourselves for failure. Its not logical to think/hope for someone (or some thing) else to always push us forward, because if that person/thing is removed from our life, our motivation would subsequently diminish. 

"You are more beautiful than you know, more talented than you think, and more loved than you can imagine!"-

Kandee Johnson

1 Corinthians 13

I was told to study this passage. I was told to "Be as Paul writes and become love within yourself". I have a lot of respect for you... and your words... Thank you !

I was psyched to find it in Farsi ... !!

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

- Rudyard Kipling

Dear God

Post It

Peace

I bruise easily...

I feel restless, on the edge, nervous, scared, hallow.

I was doing much better before all of this started !! I was MUCH happier. I was hoping it would help me become even more happy, but instead, it is making me anxious.

I hate being so fragile !

 All rights reserved by dehsoares

The text message I recieved

I've been disoriented for a while now ... And after a conversation I had last night with someone - I felt more at ease.
A few moments ago, I received the following in a text message:

" When you are down to nothing, God is up to something! So, things are changing in your life, maybe it's time to dream again and start something NEW. You have to have a dream if you are going to make a dream come true. Maybe this is the beginning of a new season in your life? Be strong, courageous and determined, for your dreams are given by God. Something Good Is Going To Happen To You!!!"


Thank you for sending me this text message. It gave me hope ... It made me smile ... It brightened my day. I truly needed it.

I hope someone else can read this and get the same feeling of hope !
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

"il dolce far niente"

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

I feel disoriented

I usually receive random chain messages on BBM, which I usually ignore. I received one today, that made me think!


"Prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when in trouble, but is a 'steering wheel' that directs the right path throughout."

"Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, LIFE smiles from above and says, 'relax sweetheart, its just a bend, not the end!"

"when God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Sigh... I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I guess I feel somewhat ... disoriented !
I really hope that this really IS just a bend, and not the end....

Blah, my life is so unstable right now. I hate instability, and enjoy security, routine, safety. Blahh

After all my effort and search... Will I ever find Tranquility? 


I hope so... 

Deep within

In a recent conversation I had with someone, I was asked "How are you feeling today?"
I didn't give it much thought, and I thought it was rather awkward as this question was asked after we were together for 3 hours. I replied, "I'm okay!, how are you?" Then I chuckled.
I assume he realized that I didn't completely comprehend his question, so he explained, "I mean, how are you feeling deep inside?"
Then it clicked. We often asked others, "hey, how are you?" and it has become a custom to say, "I'm fine, how are you?" But how often do we ask others (specially the ones close to us), how they are feeling deep within? How often do we ask ourselves how we really are... deep within?
Lets not ignore our inner feelings, lets not repress those inner emotions. Ask yourself everyday, "How am I really doing today?"
Happy November everyone !!!

Beauty in life

Someone just reminded me :

You must look at the beauty in life even when its foggy and rainy outside.

:)

Inside or out?

Do we spend sooo much time thinking OUTSIDE the box that we forget to think of all the possibilities that are present WITHIN the box?

hmm....

Semi-Confession

I started writing a couple of hours ago... it was titled "Confessions part deux". I basically had bullet points directed towards different people...  I guess if I posted it, it would have been impulsive, and ... really random...
This will be a semi-confession- a very general one:

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”

- Eleanor Roosevelt 


I agree with that quote... I have seen it take place in my own life. BUT... what if I don't want some people to walk out? Throughout the years, people have walked in and out of my life frequently. I won't lie, some of them I consciously opened the door for them and asked them to leave. Others... well, life just separated us and I don't particularly mind. But there is one last group which includes people that are no longer in my life (or are only partially in my life)- that truly effects me. There are people that I truly miss, and I feel their void in my life. Yes, most of those people have left a "footprint" in my heart... but I wish that they were still so close that  I could sense and grasp their presence in my life. (selfish? perhaps).


I try to keep in touch with those that I love ... I may suck at expressing how much I care about them... 
I don't want to blab on about how all these feelings arose... so I'll stop here. 


“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.”
- Henri Nouwen


For my friends who are reading this blog: a) thanks for reading... it really means a lot to me b) you mean more to me than you know.


Perhaps I should start expressing myself more... ?! 


I appreciate you all being in my life. Some of you - I wish you were more involved. Some of you- I truly miss. I'll try to be more sappy when I see each and every one of you (not EVERYtime i see you... I can't spoil you that much).


I have one shout out: I can't seem to bring myself to say this to you in person. I know you barely ever read my blog ( I'm not too fond of you for that ). I want you to know, that I love you. You are my backbone. I'm sorry I made you feel like a lamp post (? what was it?). I'm not sure if this means I should refrain from dumping my baggage in front of you... but thats something we need to talk about in person. My point is: I appreciate all that you have done for me. Nothing that you've ever done... has gone by unnoticed. You are my sunshine. 

Conflicted

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived."

Margaret Mitchell


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

"

Marilyn Monroe

10/10/10

I got a bunch of random BBM messages, saying "almost 10:10:10 on 10/10/10, make a wish and pass it on."

I normally don't believe in these random spams (nor do I believe in ...wishes for various reasons which I may blog about later)... but this time around... as silly as it sounds... I made a wish...

and then I remembered the Cinderella song :

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

sigh... how naive ! 

Breath of Fresh Air

I read this quote on someone's blog today... I found it to be a breath of fresh air... just rejuvenating...

"Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God, will come to know God because they know you." ~Anonymous

I wait, I hope and I pray !

Does my heart and thoughts have to be pure? 

Am I to strip myself down to the core, become vulnerable and submit? 

Why was it easier to believe and to feel God when I was young? 

I wait... I hope... and I pray, to feel close once again,

to feel the love, the comfort, the ease, and the protection.

Be the dance!

"One With Life.

Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you.

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

Quote by Eckhart Tolle ! 

Kaleidoscopic world !

Please take some time.. everyday for introspection and self-analyzation.

Because your thoughts become habits and habits become circumstances. 

"The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colors which at every succeeding moment it presents to you are the exquisitely adjusted pictures of your ever-moving thoughts."

- James Allen