Assertive

http://i.imgur.com/OK4tVue.jpg

Sparse

“There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to 

accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.”

― G.K. Chesterton

Essence

Don't forget where you came from but never 

lose sight of where you're going. 

Alacrity

Ease

You are responsible for the peace that you feel.

Footprints in the sand

One night I had a dream -- 

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and

Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;

One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of my life flashed before us,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that many times along the path of my life,

There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life

This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,

You would walk with me all the way;

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,

There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why in times when I

needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious

child. I love you, and I would never,

never leave you during your times of

trial and suffering.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Intrepidity

In Four Years

Please note that I did not write this, and found it online- the author is unknown, but the poem can be found in the following link:
http://dukegroups.duke.edu/develledish/2011/in-four-years/



I learned that putting spoons in the freezer when you’re crying will later soothe your puffy eyes
I learned that getting away from the person who makes you cry will, eventually, make you feel better.

I learned that my eyes are grey, not blue
That they shift with the light and with my moods
I learned that this makes me beautiful
Even when my eyes are as stormy as my soul.

I learned that I hate the word “hot”
I learned that I have defined a large portion of my life by it.

I learned the difference between a true apology and a request for absolution
I learned that the former is rare and the latter, much too common
I learned that I have the right to walk away from both.

I learned that I have rights, even as a woman.  Especially as a woman.

I learned that rock bottom is never actually bottom, and that asking for help is better than muddling through
I learned that muddling a drink is unnecessary when you learn to like the taste of straight whisky
I learned that whisky sometimes gets you closer to bottom.

I learned that discomfort is powerful.

I learned that thunderstorms are soothing
And that sunny days are just nervous energy bursting from the universe’s soul.

I learned that sunburn hurts just as much as the boy on the beach who tells you that you look anything less than “skinny” in a bathing suit
I learned that “skinny” is more painful than it looks
And that a bathing suit is meant for playing in the water so much that you forget you are getting burned.

I learned that cigarettes sting and that cigars are smoother
But that smoking either will elicit more attention than both are worth.

I learned that sex can feel good
And that it feels best when it’s actually consensual.

I learned that speaking against the consensus is sometimes a good idea
I learned that my ideas are worth voicing, even when they earn me a jab in the ribs, a shove, a reputation
I learned that reputations are both more and less important than they seem
Depending upon the circles of people you choose to esteem in your life.

I learned that having people in my life that I do not respect is, in fact, a waste of my time
I learned that my time is precious because it is mine, because I can choose what I want to do with it.

I learned that taking a nap is sometimes just as valuable as taking that hour to study, or get lunch with a friend, or look up poetry by authors I secretly aspire to become
I learned that secret aspirations are just bold dreams divided from the truth by a thin line of privacy and shame
I learned that words are in my veins and that I bleed my existence every time I put pen to paper.
I learned that four years is not enough time to know myself.

But I learned that I am worth knowing.

by anonymous 

Time

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

Rose Kennedy

By: http://www.flickr.com/people/chchtr/

Reticent

I have been so drowned in my everyday predicaments, that I have become reticent.
I'm sorry that I have been such a terrible friend- that I have been so absorbed by my own issues, that I have been unable to be there for you...

I know you want to be there for me, but I keep pushing you away. I don't know why. Solitude seems to be the only way that I can maintain my poise.

"You are talented, intelligent, and beautiful. You can and will achieve the things you want to. I promise you."

Thank you for your kind words.

Vicissitude

In a recent conversation with someone who is very close to my heart, I was told:

"You have changed a lot over the years. You have really matured. But at the end of the day, to you, a butterfly will be a butterfly."

Somehow, that sentence really touched me. 

A very accurate sentence if I may say ;) 

"The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it."

Marcus Aurelius

Ps. I will make it my mission to visit a zen garden one day... 

Permutation

I was recently reunited with an old friend of mine.
I remembered him as a sweet, smart, and shy guy who used to walk with me home almost everyday from school. He was kind, caring and had the most beautiful blue eyes.
I expected our first time meeting after 10 years to be awkward ... but it was far from that. We spoke for hours. He was still kind, caring and I couldn't help but drown in his blue eyes.

It turned out, that although we grew up only a few blocks away from each other, we had disparate teenage years. It was as if we each grew in our own distinctive bubbles, unaware of each other's surroundings. I had grown up in a safer, more conservative bubble; whereas he grew up in a precarious, vicious and barbed bubble. Yes imagine that, a barbed bubble. A volatile, virulent, and verboten bubble. Most of the stories he shared, scarred and traumatized me. I couldn't believe that anyone would be capable of leading such an anomalous life- specially someone I knew !
After sharing many of his life experiences, he assured me that he had changed- for the better. I was under the impression that he had learned his lessonS !! (plural !!!!) Perhaps he was being equivocal, or perhaps I'm easily deceived. Or maybe, just maybe... he really meant it.

I believe in the axiom (well my own made up axiom), that people are capable of change; therefore when he asserted that he had changed- I believed him.

Unfortunately, a situation came up... where I got involved (in a very minute way). The situation proved that he had not changed.... I was (and still am) so disappointed.
I tried talking to him, begging him to change. We are still young, and we have the time and resources to change. I realize that it is an arduous task to change when a certain life style has become habitual. BUT, his barbed bubble has proven to be VOLATILE, VIRULENT, and VERBOTEN ... OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. How many times does a person need to hit a dead end, in order to realize that the path he was taking would NOT get him out of the maze, and a new path is required???????

The situation was somewhat ... despicable. Truth be told, I was frightened- mainly because I was in an unorthodox predicament, and I didn't have any intrinsic or extraneous knowledge of what to do, or even how to feel. Consequently, I may have acted discourteous towards him. And for that... I'm sorry.

Are people capable of change?
I STILL believe that they are. If need be, please read my entry on change:

http://searching-for-tranquility.blogspot.com/2010/08/change.html

Can my friend change? YES HE CAN ! I see the potential in him. I KNOW he can change. It will be an extremely difficult task, but if he truly wanted to, he can. Perhaps he will need to leave the city, perhaps he may have to start from scratch- nevertheless, it will be better than where he is now.

If you are reading this, please know that there are people who care. Surround yourself with positive and influential people. Try to live a simple, humble life, unaffected by ... well.. you know...
Taking the first step, will be exhausting, but don't give up. I promise you will get somewhere better.
I will help you, I'm sure others will too. But you have to HELP yourself.
You can achieve anything !!! You are capable !!! Your current lifestyle, is destructive and will not end well. It will take some perseverance ... but it will be worth it at the end. You deserve a calm and happy life. You deserve a tranquil life. Please set goals and achieve them. You are capable.
It may be easy to continue what you are doing, and dig an even deeper hole. But I promise you, that in this case, grass IS greener on the other side. Hop over.

I hope you move on and never look back. Determination WILL get you through this. You must make some firm, lucid goals, and work as hard as you can to achieve them. TRYING will not be good enough. You must achieve. 

Please be good to yourself. Be the best that you can be. 

Motivation

Are you a motivated person? 
If so, does your motivation come from within or is it from an external source? 


I personally think we should motivate ourselves instead of relying on an external factor to propel us forward. Its fantastic to have a support system that will nourish and encourage our motives, but if we depend on others to motivate us, we are only setting ourselves for failure. Its not logical to think/hope for someone (or some thing) else to always push us forward, because if that person/thing is removed from our life, our motivation would subsequently diminish. 

"You are more beautiful than you know, more talented than you think, and more loved than you can imagine!"-

Kandee Johnson

1 Corinthians 13

I was told to study this passage. I was told to "Be as Paul writes and become love within yourself". I have a lot of respect for you... and your words... Thank you !

I was psyched to find it in Farsi ... !!

Post It

Peace

I bruise easily...

I feel restless, on the edge, nervous, scared, hallow.

I was doing much better before all of this started !! I was MUCH happier. I was hoping it would help me become even more happy, but instead, it is making me anxious.

I hate being so fragile !

 All rights reserved by dehsoares

"il dolce far niente"

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

I feel disoriented

I usually receive random chain messages on BBM, which I usually ignore. I received one today, that made me think!


"Prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when in trouble, but is a 'steering wheel' that directs the right path throughout."

"Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, LIFE smiles from above and says, 'relax sweetheart, its just a bend, not the end!"

"when God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Sigh... I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I guess I feel somewhat ... disoriented !
I really hope that this really IS just a bend, and not the end....

Blah, my life is so unstable right now. I hate instability, and enjoy security, routine, safety. Blahh

After all my effort and search... Will I ever find Tranquility? 


I hope so... 

Deep within

In a recent conversation I had with someone, I was asked "How are you feeling today?"
I didn't give it much thought, and I thought it was rather awkward as this question was asked after we were together for 3 hours. I replied, "I'm okay!, how are you?" Then I chuckled.
I assume he realized that I didn't completely comprehend his question, so he explained, "I mean, how are you feeling deep inside?"
Then it clicked. We often asked others, "hey, how are you?" and it has become a custom to say, "I'm fine, how are you?" But how often do we ask others (specially the ones close to us), how they are feeling deep within? How often do we ask ourselves how we really are... deep within?
Lets not ignore our inner feelings, lets not repress those inner emotions. Ask yourself everyday, "How am I really doing today?"
Happy November everyone !!!