Battles

http://i.imgur.com/iUR8Shk.jpg

Sparse

“There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to 

accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.”

― G.K. Chesterton

Alacrity

Ease

You are responsible for the peace that you feel.

Footprints in the sand

One night I had a dream -- 

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and

Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;

One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of my life flashed before us,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that many times along the path of my life,

There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life

This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,

You would walk with me all the way;

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,

There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why in times when I

needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious

child. I love you, and I would never,

never leave you during your times of

trial and suffering.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Felicity

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
- Joseph Campbell 

http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/64/745baf7d688f70316582f1e226097b96/l.jpg

Essentials of Happiness

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

- Allan K. Chalmers

Permutation

I was recently reunited with an old friend of mine.
I remembered him as a sweet, smart, and shy guy who used to walk with me home almost everyday from school. He was kind, caring and had the most beautiful blue eyes.
I expected our first time meeting after 10 years to be awkward ... but it was far from that. We spoke for hours. He was still kind, caring and I couldn't help but drown in his blue eyes.

It turned out, that although we grew up only a few blocks away from each other, we had disparate teenage years. It was as if we each grew in our own distinctive bubbles, unaware of each other's surroundings. I had grown up in a safer, more conservative bubble; whereas he grew up in a precarious, vicious and barbed bubble. Yes imagine that, a barbed bubble. A volatile, virulent, and verboten bubble. Most of the stories he shared, scarred and traumatized me. I couldn't believe that anyone would be capable of leading such an anomalous life- specially someone I knew !
After sharing many of his life experiences, he assured me that he had changed- for the better. I was under the impression that he had learned his lessonS !! (plural !!!!) Perhaps he was being equivocal, or perhaps I'm easily deceived. Or maybe, just maybe... he really meant it.

I believe in the axiom (well my own made up axiom), that people are capable of change; therefore when he asserted that he had changed- I believed him.

Unfortunately, a situation came up... where I got involved (in a very minute way). The situation proved that he had not changed.... I was (and still am) so disappointed.
I tried talking to him, begging him to change. We are still young, and we have the time and resources to change. I realize that it is an arduous task to change when a certain life style has become habitual. BUT, his barbed bubble has proven to be VOLATILE, VIRULENT, and VERBOTEN ... OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. How many times does a person need to hit a dead end, in order to realize that the path he was taking would NOT get him out of the maze, and a new path is required???????

The situation was somewhat ... despicable. Truth be told, I was frightened- mainly because I was in an unorthodox predicament, and I didn't have any intrinsic or extraneous knowledge of what to do, or even how to feel. Consequently, I may have acted discourteous towards him. And for that... I'm sorry.

Are people capable of change?
I STILL believe that they are. If need be, please read my entry on change:

http://searching-for-tranquility.blogspot.com/2010/08/change.html

Can my friend change? YES HE CAN ! I see the potential in him. I KNOW he can change. It will be an extremely difficult task, but if he truly wanted to, he can. Perhaps he will need to leave the city, perhaps he may have to start from scratch- nevertheless, it will be better than where he is now.

If you are reading this, please know that there are people who care. Surround yourself with positive and influential people. Try to live a simple, humble life, unaffected by ... well.. you know...
Taking the first step, will be exhausting, but don't give up. I promise you will get somewhere better.
I will help you, I'm sure others will too. But you have to HELP yourself.
You can achieve anything !!! You are capable !!! Your current lifestyle, is destructive and will not end well. It will take some perseverance ... but it will be worth it at the end. You deserve a calm and happy life. You deserve a tranquil life. Please set goals and achieve them. You are capable.
It may be easy to continue what you are doing, and dig an even deeper hole. But I promise you, that in this case, grass IS greener on the other side. Hop over.

I hope you move on and never look back. Determination WILL get you through this. You must make some firm, lucid goals, and work as hard as you can to achieve them. TRYING will not be good enough. You must achieve. 

Please be good to yourself. Be the best that you can be. 

You have the power !

Post It

I bruise easily...

I feel restless, on the edge, nervous, scared, hallow.

I was doing much better before all of this started !! I was MUCH happier. I was hoping it would help me become even more happy, but instead, it is making me anxious.

I hate being so fragile !

 All rights reserved by dehsoares

I feel disoriented

I usually receive random chain messages on BBM, which I usually ignore. I received one today, that made me think!


"Prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when in trouble, but is a 'steering wheel' that directs the right path throughout."

"Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, LIFE smiles from above and says, 'relax sweetheart, its just a bend, not the end!"

"when God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Sigh... I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I guess I feel somewhat ... disoriented !
I really hope that this really IS just a bend, and not the end....

Blah, my life is so unstable right now. I hate instability, and enjoy security, routine, safety. Blahh

After all my effort and search... Will I ever find Tranquility? 


I hope so... 

Deep within

In a recent conversation I had with someone, I was asked "How are you feeling today?"
I didn't give it much thought, and I thought it was rather awkward as this question was asked after we were together for 3 hours. I replied, "I'm okay!, how are you?" Then I chuckled.
I assume he realized that I didn't completely comprehend his question, so he explained, "I mean, how are you feeling deep inside?"
Then it clicked. We often asked others, "hey, how are you?" and it has become a custom to say, "I'm fine, how are you?" But how often do we ask others (specially the ones close to us), how they are feeling deep within? How often do we ask ourselves how we really are... deep within?
Lets not ignore our inner feelings, lets not repress those inner emotions. Ask yourself everyday, "How am I really doing today?"
Happy November everyone !!!

Beauty in life

Someone just reminded me :

You must look at the beauty in life even when its foggy and rainy outside.

:)

10/10/10

I got a bunch of random BBM messages, saying "almost 10:10:10 on 10/10/10, make a wish and pass it on."

I normally don't believe in these random spams (nor do I believe in ...wishes for various reasons which I may blog about later)... but this time around... as silly as it sounds... I made a wish...

and then I remembered the Cinderella song :

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

sigh... how naive ! 

Be the dance!

"One With Life.

Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you.

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

Quote by Eckhart Tolle ! 

Serenity

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

This too shall pass !

Even been betrayed by someone that you truly trusted? Ever been lied to? or deceived, or misled?

I recently found out that I have been lied to ... for months ... about something that I already had my suspicions about ! Something I asked and questioned about... for months !! The answer I received every single time... was a lie ! It's not really the CONTENT that bothers me. It's actually the CONTEXT. The situation is far too complicated, but to sum it up without exploiting other people's privacy, the story goes as follows:

Person A and I had established to disclose certain information upon its occurrence. When the "event" occurred, person A failed to notify me! I had my suspicions, and I asked many times whether this "event" had taken place or not. Person A always denied.

Person B, who happens to be a very close friend of mine was aware of this situation and also failed to inform me. Even though, I had asked about it many times.

Please note, that my emotions were deeply involved in this "event".

For the last couple of months (while this event has been taking place), I have been nothing but honest with both person A and B. I was hoping to receive the same level of honesty in return, as both people know how much I value honesty. My honesty with A however, has led this person to be very judgmental. I have been severely criticized about my actions. Meanwhile, A has been a hypocrite ! Basically, I was taken advantage of due to my unawareness.

Now B, knows my most inner thoughts. B was trusted... maybe too soon? maybe too much? B also knows that I'm a tough ass cookie. B knows I can handle things. Yet, failed to notify me that I was being fooled !

I value loyalty and honesty in a friendship. I try, to the best of my ability to be of "benefit" to my friends. My friends, also know that I can take a punch. I'm no longer the girl who will cry her heart out due to some mundane "event". So why lie for so long?

I'm not even too concerned about A, as A has been pretty much out of my life for 8 months. Also, A found out that B is aware of the situation, so in an encounter with A, I was told that "B is not to be trusted, because B lies alot and I should not be friends with B". I questioned that statement, and I got very ambiguous and insignificant answers. Now that I think about it, A traced a path for me to question B... so incase B ever told me about "the situation" (does anyone watch jersey shore... "the situation"?? LOLZ), I would not believe it. In addition, A had told B not to tell me about "the situation" becauseit would "crush me."

B however... I expected more from.

In short, both A and B, had several opportunities that they could have used, to tell me the truth.

So question is: When it comes to trust, does one have to earn your trust, or do you simply ask for it? (ps. I had a similar post about love)

Well the answer is.. for me anyway... that trust must be earned. Somehow, with B, my trust was just given. Perhaps I'm a bad judge of character.

I realize there is a spectrum to everything. Life is NOT black and white. I also believe in second chances, as I believe people are capable of change (which doesn't necessarily mean that they will). However, there are times where a second chance is not permitted. There are times where a single mistake is enough for me to snip snip ! lol ! It's like a mutation in DNA: there are silent mutations where there is no change in the amino acid sequence of a polypeptide (no real detectable changes occur). But there are also mutations that lead to cancer and other degenerative diseases !

At the end of the day, I'm upset with B. I expected more, as our friendship was truly special. It's unfortunate that B thought I needed to be "protected." I don't need protection ! I need the truth.

I'm not "crushed" about the situation and I'm not surprised at A. Frankly, I think it's hilarious how much A has been lying about so many different things... I didn't know people could have so much energy... to lie... so much !!!

My decision: I have forgiven and forgotten way too many incidences that have occurred with A over the years. I no longer feel that A's existence is essential in my life. As a matter of fact, I believe that my life would be ... more hassle free and stress free without A.

With B, it's a bit more complicated. I think if it was anyone else, I would have said "Sayonara." For now, I need to be away from B. I need space. Also, there now exists "the great wall of china" between B and I.

Do i regret putting my full trust in B? No ! I feel that in psychology, Regret is viewed positively. It is viewed as an emotion that allows people to refrain from making the same mistake. However, I don't think that's really what happens when people regret things. To me, regret is when one ruminates about the past! I will not ruminate, but I also will not repeat the same mistake again.

Note: I realize I said before that this "event/situation" that has occurred (and continues to occur lolz) involves my emotions. BUT... I truly believe in the power of thought. I like to be logical, and I like to have full control over my thoughts. Thoughts= emotions and if thoughts can be controlled, so can emotions. A friend of mine recently sent me the following image:

Yes, I know ... jeez a Tupac quote... but it's a good one.. he is talking about ruminating. So, in his terms, I now leave the pieces on the floor, with my head held high, and move the fuck on ! (oopppsss le pardon le language).

The past is the past... What's important is the present. YAY (thank you Eckhart Tolle for teaching me this lol). He is a genius, I highly recommend his books. Here is another quote:

"If you resist what happens, you are at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness."

Also, I didn't write this blog to bash either A or B. I wrote it in case someone else has/will experience the same thing... they'll know that they are not alone. If someone betrays you, hurt you or disappoints you... evaluate to see if you deserve what you have been faced with. If you don't, and if the situation is so bad, it's at the end of the spectrum... know that you deserve better ! DO NOT surround yourself with people that give you negative energy, or hurt you, or take advantage of you. Surround yourself with those who LOVE and adore you; those who are trustworthy, loyal and honest. It is better to have ONE true friend, than to have twenty inadequate ones. Love yourself enough, to realize when to cut whom. Love yourself enough to protect yourself.

In case either A and/or B read this:

A: Im a tough cookie and I'm not "crushed" as you expected me to be. I hope that you are happy doing .... what it is that you're doing. I'm glad that you're no longer "numb" as you claimed to be. The five years that I knew you were great(ish lol) ! We shared some special times together ! However, I am no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you. I wish you all the best.

B: I've already said all I had to say. I will add this: LD. You will be missed.

Change

I believe that people are capable of change... under 2 conditions

a) They must be strong enough to realize that there is something in need of a change. For example, you must be strong enough to realize WITHIN yourself that a flaw exists... and that the flaw needs to be changed in order for progress to occur.

Then, you either have condition b or c.

b) Circumstances in life FORCE you to change. That is, a life event requires you to make a change.

OR

c) You truly NEED and WANT and DESIRE to make a change.

It's important for humans to be dynamic and fluid... Change is an essential component of life. The change I refer to, is the changes we need to make within ourselves... to become better... or atleast to strive to become better. In life, we only have ourselves to rely on. You are the maker of your own life. If you want your life to be better... then do it ! If you want to be a better person... then do it ! Anything you want from life... YOU must strive for.

I will repeat myself ... "If you dont like something.. change it ! If you can't change it... change the way you think about it." As YOU are the only thing that you have full and utter control over in life.

Trust life – it knows best

Someone I have recently befriended decided to make a "guest appearance" on my blog. He is one of the most dedicated men I know. We usually hold very deep conversations- and often times, we agree with each other's opinion. So don't be surprised when you read below and see a similarity between our ideologies. You will soon see how intelligent he really is. Thank you Sergei for putting in the time to write for me. I hope to see more of your work in my inbox. hehe

Ps. Sergei is the same guy who suggested "As a man thinketh" to me.

Trust Life- It knows best

There is a great deal of emphasis placed on goals and fulfillment of individual desires in today’s society. People are constantly bombarded with the message, “If you want to be happy and achieve success, figure out what you want and set goals.” And to a large extent this message rings true. It is fundamentally important to know what one wants in life and take proactive steps to get it.

Unfortunately, turning those goals and desires into reality is not an easy task. With all the challenges that life presents in itself, the pressure of achievement and fulfillment only adds to the burden of life. Although this “extra” burden pays off in the long run, in the short run it becomes quite heavy to bear. I don’t care who you, where you are or what you do, you will encounter setbacks, disappointments and failure. It is an essential law of life that adds contrast to success, joy and fulfillment.

The way you approach this single law will determine not only the extent to which you achieve your desired outcomes but also the extent to which you get to experience the journey of life. See, life will not always give you what you want but it will always give you what you need. I, personally, have recently gone through a break up with a person in whom I put a lot of unjustified faith, belief and confidence. I blindly threw a large part of myself into this other person believing that they will fulfill my expectations. Fortunately, I was wrong. And I say fortunately because in the end, this experience alone has taught me much more than any book or person could. Life is the best teacher and your interpretation of it will define your aptitude as a student.

The point of the story is simple. I did not get what I wanted but I got more than I needed. And life will give you what you need even though you might not necessarily like it. It might not give you what you want at a particular moment but it will always give you the things you need to be in the best position you can be in the long term. Off course, this might seem like a generalization and partially it is but if you are able to engrain this mindset into your character, no matter what happens to you in life, this mindset alone will carry you a long way from a place of weakness to a place of great strength. Because at the end, if you are able to trust life and put your entire faith into it, you will realize that every circumstance, event and experience – no matter how painful, stressful or disappointing – serves a purpose of improving yourself and your life if only you accept and learn from it.