Assertive

http://i.imgur.com/OK4tVue.jpg

Catch me when I fall

Solo

http://i.imgur.com/JHOH5.jpg

Ease

You are responsible for the peace that you feel.

Footprints in the sand

One night I had a dream -- 

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and

Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;

One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of my life flashed before us,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that many times along the path of my life,

There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life

This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,

You would walk with me all the way;

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,

There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why in times when I

needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious

child. I love you, and I would never,

never leave you during your times of

trial and suffering.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

In Four Years

Please note that I did not write this, and found it online- the author is unknown, but the poem can be found in the following link:
http://dukegroups.duke.edu/develledish/2011/in-four-years/



I learned that putting spoons in the freezer when you’re crying will later soothe your puffy eyes
I learned that getting away from the person who makes you cry will, eventually, make you feel better.

I learned that my eyes are grey, not blue
That they shift with the light and with my moods
I learned that this makes me beautiful
Even when my eyes are as stormy as my soul.

I learned that I hate the word “hot”
I learned that I have defined a large portion of my life by it.

I learned the difference between a true apology and a request for absolution
I learned that the former is rare and the latter, much too common
I learned that I have the right to walk away from both.

I learned that I have rights, even as a woman.  Especially as a woman.

I learned that rock bottom is never actually bottom, and that asking for help is better than muddling through
I learned that muddling a drink is unnecessary when you learn to like the taste of straight whisky
I learned that whisky sometimes gets you closer to bottom.

I learned that discomfort is powerful.

I learned that thunderstorms are soothing
And that sunny days are just nervous energy bursting from the universe’s soul.

I learned that sunburn hurts just as much as the boy on the beach who tells you that you look anything less than “skinny” in a bathing suit
I learned that “skinny” is more painful than it looks
And that a bathing suit is meant for playing in the water so much that you forget you are getting burned.

I learned that cigarettes sting and that cigars are smoother
But that smoking either will elicit more attention than both are worth.

I learned that sex can feel good
And that it feels best when it’s actually consensual.

I learned that speaking against the consensus is sometimes a good idea
I learned that my ideas are worth voicing, even when they earn me a jab in the ribs, a shove, a reputation
I learned that reputations are both more and less important than they seem
Depending upon the circles of people you choose to esteem in your life.

I learned that having people in my life that I do not respect is, in fact, a waste of my time
I learned that my time is precious because it is mine, because I can choose what I want to do with it.

I learned that taking a nap is sometimes just as valuable as taking that hour to study, or get lunch with a friend, or look up poetry by authors I secretly aspire to become
I learned that secret aspirations are just bold dreams divided from the truth by a thin line of privacy and shame
I learned that words are in my veins and that I bleed my existence every time I put pen to paper.
I learned that four years is not enough time to know myself.

But I learned that I am worth knowing.

by anonymous 

Reticent

I have been so drowned in my everyday predicaments, that I have become reticent.
I'm sorry that I have been such a terrible friend- that I have been so absorbed by my own issues, that I have been unable to be there for you...

I know you want to be there for me, but I keep pushing you away. I don't know why. Solitude seems to be the only way that I can maintain my poise.

"You are talented, intelligent, and beautiful. You can and will achieve the things you want to. I promise you."

Thank you for your kind words.

Imperturbable

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements ... even if it leads nowhere...

Succinct

I haven't blogged in a while, and if I have, they have been mainly pictures or quotes, and not words of my own- mainly because I'm Speechless. 
I hear, but I cannot respond. I see, but I cannot verbalize. I feel, but I cannot express. 


Mother Teresa's outlook on silence:


"Listen in silence because if your heart is full of other things you cannot hear the voice of God. But when you have listened to the voice of God in the stillness of your heart, then your heart is filled with God."


"Silence of the heart is necessary so you can hear God everywhere — in the closing of a door, in the person who needs you, in the birds that sing, in the flowers, in the animals."


To make possible true inner silence, practice:

Silence of the eyes, by seeking always the beauty and goodness of God everywhere, and closing them to the faults of others and to all that is sinful and disturbing to the soul.

Silence of the ears, by listening always to the voice of God and to the cry of the poor and the needy, and closing them to all other voices that come from fallen human nature, such as gossip, tale bearing, and uncharitable words.

Silence of the tongue, by praising God and speaking the life-giving Word of God that is the truth, that enlightens and inspires, brings peace, hope, and joy; and by refraining from self-defense and every word that causes darkness, turmoil, pain, and death.

Silence of the mind, by opening it to the truth and knowledge of God in prayer and contemplation, like Mary who pondered the marvels of the Lord in her heart, and by closing it to all untruths, distractions, destructive thoughts, rash judgments, false suspicions of others, vengeful thoughts, and desires.

Silence of the heart, by loving God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength; loving one another as God loves; and avoiding all selfishness, hatred, envy, jealousy, and greed.

I will remember ...

Kurt Halsey-Frederiksen

Peace

I bruise easily...

I feel restless, on the edge, nervous, scared, hallow.

I was doing much better before all of this started !! I was MUCH happier. I was hoping it would help me become even more happy, but instead, it is making me anxious.

I hate being so fragile !

 All rights reserved by dehsoares

"il dolce far niente"

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

I feel disoriented

I usually receive random chain messages on BBM, which I usually ignore. I received one today, that made me think!


"Prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when in trouble, but is a 'steering wheel' that directs the right path throughout."

"Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, LIFE smiles from above and says, 'relax sweetheart, its just a bend, not the end!"

"when God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Sigh... I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I guess I feel somewhat ... disoriented !
I really hope that this really IS just a bend, and not the end....

Blah, my life is so unstable right now. I hate instability, and enjoy security, routine, safety. Blahh

After all my effort and search... Will I ever find Tranquility? 


I hope so... 

Beauty in life

Someone just reminded me :

You must look at the beauty in life even when its foggy and rainy outside.

:)

Be the dance!

"One With Life.

Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you.

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

Quote by Eckhart Tolle ! 

C'est La Vie

Who do you spend most of your time with?

Who do you know the best?

Who do you trust the most?

Who do you care about the most?

I promise after my little story... You will understand why I asked these questions.

So today (technically yesterday...hour differences and such), as I was sitting in the public library studying... I glanced up, and saw a 20-something year old sitting in my close proximity. Instead of reading or writing, or texting...or any other random activity that can be done in solitude, he was observing the walls and the ceilings. He also stood out in the crowd... like a red rose would in a field of white roses. He had down syndrome. Due to a random dream I had the night before about an ill baby, I dosed off thinking about having a child with an "abnormality", whether physical, mental or both. Then my thought process went further... and I thought to myself... if I were to ever have a child (and those of you who know me, know that I do not want children), would I ever adopt? and if so ... would I adopt a child with down syndrome... then I thought about how people pick and choose (or atleast try to) who they want to adopt ... I couldn't help but wonder about those who are adamant about adopting (or being the surrogate) for a child from a particular background, with whatever intelligence and so on and so forth... and then I got sad... but then I thought to myself, would I really be capable of raising a child with down syndrome? I work with autistic children and their families and I'm well aware of the hardship that they go through....

I then realized that I was daydreaming for way too long... and as I glanced right back down at my book... I heard a woman on the paging microphone saying, "would the owner of a blue Honda Civic, please report to the parking lot"... I didn't think much of it, other than "lol that sucks"...and tried to focus again... she came back on and this time, she announced my lisence plate... and at this point I thought ... um.... she is paging ME...thats MY car..

I went downstairs and they told me that someone had hit my car and that I "better run". I walked.

I got to my car...only to find this:

Please note... I realize this picture doesn't really show the damage done to my car... but its the only picture that doesn't show either plates yet still shows how this woman managed to drive UP the curb and hit my car regardless. The right passenger side of my car.... completely gone... it hurts to look at the pictures ! lol Also, please note how my car is parked crooked... it was straight when I initially parked ! lol

My very first reaction was ... "WTF... How did she manage to do that ???" My second reaction was ... "wow... she didn't just drive away!"

I remained calm. She had already called the police. I called my towing company ... Police came, went through the whole procedure, towing guy came and I left with the towing guy (to go to a repair center). I then got myself a rental car and drove home (5 hours later ofcourse).

Moral of the story... I was shocked by my own behavior. I would have thought that I would freak out... that I would cry ... that I would be confused. I handled it really well... all on my own. I truly surprised myself. I learned through this whole thing (oddly enough), that I'm more capable, more independent and much stronger than I thought I was. All of this may not seem like a big deal to you... You may have been in worst situations before... but I've never had to handle something like this all on my own... and I did well ! I was just pissed off, because this took so much of my time, the time that could have been spent on studying !

Life events may NOT always make you a stronger person... but atleast they will teach you something about YOURSELF.

Back to my introduction: If you don't remember the questions, here they are again (for those lazy ones who dont want to scroll up)

Who do you spend most of your time with? Who do you know the best? Who do you trust the most? Who do you care about the most?

What were your answers? I'd love to know how many said " myself " . Because you are ALWAYS with yourself lol , the amount of alone time may be variable, but you're always present with yourself (or are you really present?? ) . Do you know yourself best?? you should !!!!! I think we spend too much time trying to get to know others....before we actually know ourselves. As strange as it is, we (sorry to generalize) don't know ourselves as well as we should ! but we claim to know our best friends, our significant others, parents ...you name it.

And do you trust yourself the most? Well you better !!!!!!! and you also better care about yourself the most too (yes I realize debatable).

But When we are asked those questions, we often think, "oh well I spend most of my time with so and so and i know my best friend the most and bla bla bla". But our first answer should be ...ourselves !!!! Because if you dont know yourself well enough, and if you dont trust yourselves the most and care about yourself, not only will you be incapable of projecting them onto others, but others would fail to truly reciprocate.

Spend time with yourself... we all do... but be PRESENT in the time you spend with yourself !! Reflect... get to know who you really are. Challenge yourself...

I would now like to end this yet random blog with a quote from my favorite author Paulo Coelho:

"The more you understand yourself, the more you will understand the world" (from his book Brida)

ps. For all those who are wondering... Insomnia ... still with me