I feel disoriented

I usually receive random chain messages on BBM, which I usually ignore. I received one today, that made me think!


"Prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when in trouble, but is a 'steering wheel' that directs the right path throughout."

"Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, LIFE smiles from above and says, 'relax sweetheart, its just a bend, not the end!"

"when God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Sigh... I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I guess I feel somewhat ... disoriented !
I really hope that this really IS just a bend, and not the end....

Blah, my life is so unstable right now. I hate instability, and enjoy security, routine, safety. Blahh

After all my effort and search... Will I ever find Tranquility? 


I hope so... 

Potential in all flaws?

The day finally came... I finally turned 23 ! Unfortunately, I'm not where I would have liked to be at this age...

In a conversation with my best friend, we pondered whether we take enough risks... well... we don't !! Why not? Would life be different if we had? I personally LOVE routine and order order ...I like to play it safe ! Regarding routine, let me give some examples...For five years, I took the same route to school, for three of those 5 years, I went (and still go) to the same coffee shop in the mornings and got an apple oatmeal muffin and a hazelnut coffee. I have a routine that is automatically followed EVERY single morning (unless i wake up at like 4 pm and don't go anywhere lol). I only drink tea throughout the day ...and it has to be green tea with one milk. When I go to my regular restaurants or cafes or whatever.. i always order the same thing. Basically, I hate change. I refuse to change my phone company even though there have been times that I have been offered better deals. I haven't changed my hair colour in a year and half. I studied in the same damn area of the library for 3 years ! I only chew one type of gum... anyway the list goes on and on... Perhaps I'm boring...Perhaps weird... I even realized that after a break up, 40% of my agony is because I feel sad because my routine has to change.. because my life style has to change, because my schedule has to change... my habits have to change... and I dont like change !

I realize I have flaws...perhaps many of them ... but is there potential in all flaws? Are we all able to transform our flaws/weaknesses ? Or are we molded so that there is no room for change?

Throughout my 23 years of experience ( lol well less bc no experience was attained as a baby...other than browsing around lol)... I have come to believe that people barely ever change. I can't even change my sleeping pattern...how is one to change a bigger flaw? I have had people come back into my life after years... no change... I have had people swear to me that they have changed...well .... no change ....

Yes, I agree that we DO NOT stay 100% the same as we are now... life, experience, happiness, sadness, success, failure.. they all change us... but certain personality factors / beliefs ( specially the main ones), unfortunately never change. I will NEVER be an insensitive person...i will never become careless and laidback ... I will NEVER believe in abortion ...

But there are certain things that change... I used to want to get married and have children...right now... not too fond about either of those two things. I used to be patient... right now...not so much...

It's so late...insomnia is killing me ...lol ... I have class in a couple of hours...

The point is... I wish we could change our bad habits, traits, and beliefs easily... I wish we could help one another change and become better people ... I wish instead of people getting defensive (believe me, I take criticism terribly), they would take criticism and use it to their benefit...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

- Marilyn Manroe