Semi-Confession

I started writing a couple of hours ago... it was titled "Confessions part deux". I basically had bullet points directed towards different people...  I guess if I posted it, it would have been impulsive, and ... really random...
This will be a semi-confession- a very general one:

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”

- Eleanor Roosevelt 


I agree with that quote... I have seen it take place in my own life. BUT... what if I don't want some people to walk out? Throughout the years, people have walked in and out of my life frequently. I won't lie, some of them I consciously opened the door for them and asked them to leave. Others... well, life just separated us and I don't particularly mind. But there is one last group which includes people that are no longer in my life (or are only partially in my life)- that truly effects me. There are people that I truly miss, and I feel their void in my life. Yes, most of those people have left a "footprint" in my heart... but I wish that they were still so close that  I could sense and grasp their presence in my life. (selfish? perhaps).


I try to keep in touch with those that I love ... I may suck at expressing how much I care about them... 
I don't want to blab on about how all these feelings arose... so I'll stop here. 


“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.”
- Henri Nouwen


For my friends who are reading this blog: a) thanks for reading... it really means a lot to me b) you mean more to me than you know.


Perhaps I should start expressing myself more... ?! 


I appreciate you all being in my life. Some of you - I wish you were more involved. Some of you- I truly miss. I'll try to be more sappy when I see each and every one of you (not EVERYtime i see you... I can't spoil you that much).


I have one shout out: I can't seem to bring myself to say this to you in person. I know you barely ever read my blog ( I'm not too fond of you for that ). I want you to know, that I love you. You are my backbone. I'm sorry I made you feel like a lamp post (? what was it?). I'm not sure if this means I should refrain from dumping my baggage in front of you... but thats something we need to talk about in person. My point is: I appreciate all that you have done for me. Nothing that you've ever done... has gone by unnoticed. You are my sunshine. 

Who are you?

Here is another guest posting. This one can be considered as a continuation of my previous blog, as it is written by Person B. I hope this gives a broader perspective of "the situation." (hahah Jersey Shore lawlz)


Who are you?



Jane Seymour once wrote, “When everything seems up in the air, and I don’t instantly know what to do next, I’ve found that if I take an honest look at myself and at my predicament, I have a stronger starting point from which to make decisions. If I do not, my decisions all seem to be off center”. I think that really resonates with me. Maybe it’s because Jane Seymour played Dr. Quinn in the TV show “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” [and I happened to be quite fond of that show while it was on TV]. Regardless, I think that statement says something about my nature and human nature in general.


It just happened that recently I got a taste of what that statement really means. I was faced with a situation which sent me into a conflict with the very nature of who I was. I couldn’t tell right from wrong because I hadn’t taken “an HONEST hard look at myself”. When I finally did figure out what the right decision was, it was too little too late. I had let myself stray so far off-centre from what and who I believe I am that I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I kept staring into the mirror, thinking to myself “WHO ARE YOU?” The worst part of all of this is not the turmoil I felt – it was the turmoil I had caused upon someone else. I had never thought in 1435279870 years that an action of mine would be so hurtful to anyone even my worst enemy.


Ultimately, at the end of the day, when we are all faced with decisions and predicaments that seem impossible, we have to take an honest look at ourselves. Once we are honest, we will realize that no matter how scary and painful the outcomes of our decision might be, it’s the right thing to do. This holds true for all decisions that have an impact on what I will define as human connections – meaning our interaction and communication with people we barely know as well as our closest friends and family.


Occasionally, you might still make the wrong decision. But regardless of whether or not we were wrong with/without the use of this method, FIGHT for human connection. The point of life is not to live every moment through the monocle of logic nor is it only about emotion. Find the balance & connect with someone along the way. Once you find that someone, be honest with yourself and with them, and maybe that’s the way to finding happiness. For you might wake up one day in a situation such as mine, where you have the Great Wall of China to overcome in order to fix your unforgiveable mistake and prove to that someone in your life that they can trust you.


Who am I? To be honest with you… on certain days I don’t know… but I will keep fighting.

LD

Le Confessions

I'm currently working on a more ... serious and "scientific" blog, but due to my dear untamed scientist, I shall do a mini blog to keep him and everyone else entertained !

Sometimes I wear my contacts for three days, without ever taking them out - they are dailies

I enjoy highlighting and using different coloured pens while studying.

I secretly like house and vocal trance !

I like the smell of acetone / panthenol /benzophenone.

My "dream job" - be a professional make up artist (ok fine... Id like to be a hair stylist as well).

I have an on-off relationship with peanut butter.

I LOVE fat squirrels.

I like singing in my car... by myself... and if you've ever been in my car while MY SONG COMES ON.... plug your ears... Im terrible.

I frequently talk to myself... outloud lol.

I say I dont...but I do want to fall in love again.

I like staying up all night, because I feel all alone ... in peace... at ease...

I like soda (pop wtv) but it makes me BURPY ... so I try to stay away.haha after a conversation with my little button... she made me realize that gassy and burpy are two different things... haha so correction: it makes me burpy !

I like to make boys feel awkward ! tee hee

I dont like halls ( referring to the cough tablets/candy).

I sometimes pee while taking a shower ! lol

I say I dont like the colour red... but secretly I do... I just hate the way it looks on me.

I dont believe in luck.

Sometimes I purposely ignore phone calls.

I crush on men who smell good.

I actually would love to have like 30 cats ! lol ... so yes...perhaps I WILL become the cat lady.

I'm not a big dreamer... I don't often reminisce... I get nostalgic alot... but I barely wonder, "what if..." but when it comes to him... I still wonder, "What if..."

I have more shoes than I actually claim... I hide them from my dad !

While driving, if I give way to someone, and they dont show appreciation... I hate on them ! lol.

Oh yes... I have road rage !

I LOVE grocery shopping ... and i LOVE costco (because of the free sample food lol).

I now believe, that I have to learn to be happy alone... and then find happiness with someone else.. I think having my happiness depend on someone else ... is destructive !.. even more importantly, I think I have to be content myself...to be able to make someone else content =)

I have a very addictive personality. I get hooked... SOOO quick !! It can be anything from a game (lol dont judge) to an edible items, particular pen, certain clothing, yes... cigarettes, you name it...

I'm very sensitive to smell SOOO

• I don't eat chicken...unless its SUPER seasoned .. and so yes...im not a big fan of bbq chicken... because to me... it smells
• I don't eat fish.... EVER...it smells and i dont like the taste
• I rarely eat eggs... unless it has NO smell whatsoever... or unless i put alot of ketchup on it, and plug my nose.
• I prefer not to use plastic cups... (specially at "restaurants" ..ie. st.louis) because they smell ! lol

I don't like to be barefoot. I also don't really like wearing flat shoes. So, if I'm at home, im usually wear sandals that are a bit high ( sometimes flipflops too) BUT, if im barefoot... I walk on my tippy toes, because I dont like the way the floor feels against my feet !

My favorite colour... used to be blue.

and there you have it...you all know my odd characteristics ! lol