Essentials of Happiness

The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

- Allan K. Chalmers

Credo

"Live fully, love deeply, let go with no bitterness." 

Paulo Coelho

Imperturbable

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements ... even if it leads nowhere...

Permutation

I was recently reunited with an old friend of mine.
I remembered him as a sweet, smart, and shy guy who used to walk with me home almost everyday from school. He was kind, caring and had the most beautiful blue eyes.
I expected our first time meeting after 10 years to be awkward ... but it was far from that. We spoke for hours. He was still kind, caring and I couldn't help but drown in his blue eyes.

It turned out, that although we grew up only a few blocks away from each other, we had disparate teenage years. It was as if we each grew in our own distinctive bubbles, unaware of each other's surroundings. I had grown up in a safer, more conservative bubble; whereas he grew up in a precarious, vicious and barbed bubble. Yes imagine that, a barbed bubble. A volatile, virulent, and verboten bubble. Most of the stories he shared, scarred and traumatized me. I couldn't believe that anyone would be capable of leading such an anomalous life- specially someone I knew !
After sharing many of his life experiences, he assured me that he had changed- for the better. I was under the impression that he had learned his lessonS !! (plural !!!!) Perhaps he was being equivocal, or perhaps I'm easily deceived. Or maybe, just maybe... he really meant it.

I believe in the axiom (well my own made up axiom), that people are capable of change; therefore when he asserted that he had changed- I believed him.

Unfortunately, a situation came up... where I got involved (in a very minute way). The situation proved that he had not changed.... I was (and still am) so disappointed.
I tried talking to him, begging him to change. We are still young, and we have the time and resources to change. I realize that it is an arduous task to change when a certain life style has become habitual. BUT, his barbed bubble has proven to be VOLATILE, VIRULENT, and VERBOTEN ... OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. How many times does a person need to hit a dead end, in order to realize that the path he was taking would NOT get him out of the maze, and a new path is required???????

The situation was somewhat ... despicable. Truth be told, I was frightened- mainly because I was in an unorthodox predicament, and I didn't have any intrinsic or extraneous knowledge of what to do, or even how to feel. Consequently, I may have acted discourteous towards him. And for that... I'm sorry.

Are people capable of change?
I STILL believe that they are. If need be, please read my entry on change:

http://searching-for-tranquility.blogspot.com/2010/08/change.html

Can my friend change? YES HE CAN ! I see the potential in him. I KNOW he can change. It will be an extremely difficult task, but if he truly wanted to, he can. Perhaps he will need to leave the city, perhaps he may have to start from scratch- nevertheless, it will be better than where he is now.

If you are reading this, please know that there are people who care. Surround yourself with positive and influential people. Try to live a simple, humble life, unaffected by ... well.. you know...
Taking the first step, will be exhausting, but don't give up. I promise you will get somewhere better.
I will help you, I'm sure others will too. But you have to HELP yourself.
You can achieve anything !!! You are capable !!! Your current lifestyle, is destructive and will not end well. It will take some perseverance ... but it will be worth it at the end. You deserve a calm and happy life. You deserve a tranquil life. Please set goals and achieve them. You are capable.
It may be easy to continue what you are doing, and dig an even deeper hole. But I promise you, that in this case, grass IS greener on the other side. Hop over.

I hope you move on and never look back. Determination WILL get you through this. You must make some firm, lucid goals, and work as hard as you can to achieve them. TRYING will not be good enough. You must achieve. 

Please be good to yourself. Be the best that you can be. 

Succinct

I haven't blogged in a while, and if I have, they have been mainly pictures or quotes, and not words of my own- mainly because I'm Speechless. 
I hear, but I cannot respond. I see, but I cannot verbalize. I feel, but I cannot express. 


Mother Teresa's outlook on silence:


"Listen in silence because if your heart is full of other things you cannot hear the voice of God. But when you have listened to the voice of God in the stillness of your heart, then your heart is filled with God."


"Silence of the heart is necessary so you can hear God everywhere — in the closing of a door, in the person who needs you, in the birds that sing, in the flowers, in the animals."


To make possible true inner silence, practice:

Silence of the eyes, by seeking always the beauty and goodness of God everywhere, and closing them to the faults of others and to all that is sinful and disturbing to the soul.

Silence of the ears, by listening always to the voice of God and to the cry of the poor and the needy, and closing them to all other voices that come from fallen human nature, such as gossip, tale bearing, and uncharitable words.

Silence of the tongue, by praising God and speaking the life-giving Word of God that is the truth, that enlightens and inspires, brings peace, hope, and joy; and by refraining from self-defense and every word that causes darkness, turmoil, pain, and death.

Silence of the mind, by opening it to the truth and knowledge of God in prayer and contemplation, like Mary who pondered the marvels of the Lord in her heart, and by closing it to all untruths, distractions, destructive thoughts, rash judgments, false suspicions of others, vengeful thoughts, and desires.

Silence of the heart, by loving God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength; loving one another as God loves; and avoiding all selfishness, hatred, envy, jealousy, and greed.

You have the power !

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Written by Max Ehrmann

I will remember ...

Kurt Halsey-Frederiksen

Hope

"Hope is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul, 

And sings the tune--without the words, 

And never stops at all"

- Emily Dickinson

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11094220@N04/3295466377

Motivation

Are you a motivated person? 
If so, does your motivation come from within or is it from an external source? 


I personally think we should motivate ourselves instead of relying on an external factor to propel us forward. Its fantastic to have a support system that will nourish and encourage our motives, but if we depend on others to motivate us, we are only setting ourselves for failure. Its not logical to think/hope for someone (or some thing) else to always push us forward, because if that person/thing is removed from our life, our motivation would subsequently diminish. 

"You are more beautiful than you know, more talented than you think, and more loved than you can imagine!"-

Kandee Johnson

1 Corinthians 13

I was told to study this passage. I was told to "Be as Paul writes and become love within yourself". I have a lot of respect for you... and your words... Thank you !

I was psyched to find it in Farsi ... !!

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

- Rudyard Kipling

Dear God

Post It

Peace

I bruise easily...

I feel restless, on the edge, nervous, scared, hallow.

I was doing much better before all of this started !! I was MUCH happier. I was hoping it would help me become even more happy, but instead, it is making me anxious.

I hate being so fragile !

 All rights reserved by dehsoares

The text message I recieved

I've been disoriented for a while now ... And after a conversation I had last night with someone - I felt more at ease.
A few moments ago, I received the following in a text message:

" When you are down to nothing, God is up to something! So, things are changing in your life, maybe it's time to dream again and start something NEW. You have to have a dream if you are going to make a dream come true. Maybe this is the beginning of a new season in your life? Be strong, courageous and determined, for your dreams are given by God. Something Good Is Going To Happen To You!!!"


Thank you for sending me this text message. It gave me hope ... It made me smile ... It brightened my day. I truly needed it.

I hope someone else can read this and get the same feeling of hope !
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

"il dolce far niente"

"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

"You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

"You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert

I feel disoriented

I usually receive random chain messages on BBM, which I usually ignore. I received one today, that made me think!


"Prayer is not a 'spare wheel' that you pull out when in trouble, but is a 'steering wheel' that directs the right path throughout."

"Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, LIFE smiles from above and says, 'relax sweetheart, its just a bend, not the end!"

"when God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities."

"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace."

Sigh... I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog. I guess I feel somewhat ... disoriented !
I really hope that this really IS just a bend, and not the end....

Blah, my life is so unstable right now. I hate instability, and enjoy security, routine, safety. Blahh

After all my effort and search... Will I ever find Tranquility? 


I hope so... 

Deep within

In a recent conversation I had with someone, I was asked "How are you feeling today?"
I didn't give it much thought, and I thought it was rather awkward as this question was asked after we were together for 3 hours. I replied, "I'm okay!, how are you?" Then I chuckled.
I assume he realized that I didn't completely comprehend his question, so he explained, "I mean, how are you feeling deep inside?"
Then it clicked. We often asked others, "hey, how are you?" and it has become a custom to say, "I'm fine, how are you?" But how often do we ask others (specially the ones close to us), how they are feeling deep within? How often do we ask ourselves how we really are... deep within?
Lets not ignore our inner feelings, lets not repress those inner emotions. Ask yourself everyday, "How am I really doing today?"
Happy November everyone !!!

Beauty in life

Someone just reminded me :

You must look at the beauty in life even when its foggy and rainy outside.

:)

Inside or out?

Do we spend sooo much time thinking OUTSIDE the box that we forget to think of all the possibilities that are present WITHIN the box?

hmm....

Semi-Confession

I started writing a couple of hours ago... it was titled "Confessions part deux". I basically had bullet points directed towards different people...  I guess if I posted it, it would have been impulsive, and ... really random...
This will be a semi-confession- a very general one:

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”

- Eleanor Roosevelt 


I agree with that quote... I have seen it take place in my own life. BUT... what if I don't want some people to walk out? Throughout the years, people have walked in and out of my life frequently. I won't lie, some of them I consciously opened the door for them and asked them to leave. Others... well, life just separated us and I don't particularly mind. But there is one last group which includes people that are no longer in my life (or are only partially in my life)- that truly effects me. There are people that I truly miss, and I feel their void in my life. Yes, most of those people have left a "footprint" in my heart... but I wish that they were still so close that  I could sense and grasp their presence in my life. (selfish? perhaps).


I try to keep in touch with those that I love ... I may suck at expressing how much I care about them... 
I don't want to blab on about how all these feelings arose... so I'll stop here. 


“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.”
- Henri Nouwen


For my friends who are reading this blog: a) thanks for reading... it really means a lot to me b) you mean more to me than you know.


Perhaps I should start expressing myself more... ?! 


I appreciate you all being in my life. Some of you - I wish you were more involved. Some of you- I truly miss. I'll try to be more sappy when I see each and every one of you (not EVERYtime i see you... I can't spoil you that much).


I have one shout out: I can't seem to bring myself to say this to you in person. I know you barely ever read my blog ( I'm not too fond of you for that ). I want you to know, that I love you. You are my backbone. I'm sorry I made you feel like a lamp post (? what was it?). I'm not sure if this means I should refrain from dumping my baggage in front of you... but thats something we need to talk about in person. My point is: I appreciate all that you have done for me. Nothing that you've ever done... has gone by unnoticed. You are my sunshine. 

Conflicted

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived."

Margaret Mitchell


"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

"

Marilyn Monroe

10/10/10

I got a bunch of random BBM messages, saying "almost 10:10:10 on 10/10/10, make a wish and pass it on."

I normally don't believe in these random spams (nor do I believe in ...wishes for various reasons which I may blog about later)... but this time around... as silly as it sounds... I made a wish...

and then I remembered the Cinderella song :

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

the dream that you wish will come true

sigh... how naive ! 

Breath of Fresh Air

I read this quote on someone's blog today... I found it to be a breath of fresh air... just rejuvenating...

"Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God, will come to know God because they know you." ~Anonymous

I wait, I hope and I pray !

Does my heart and thoughts have to be pure? 

Am I to strip myself down to the core, become vulnerable and submit? 

Why was it easier to believe and to feel God when I was young? 

I wait... I hope... and I pray, to feel close once again,

to feel the love, the comfort, the ease, and the protection.

Be the dance!

"One With Life.

Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you.

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

Quote by Eckhart Tolle ! 

Kaleidoscopic world !

Please take some time.. everyday for introspection and self-analyzation.

Because your thoughts become habits and habits become circumstances. 

"The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colors which at every succeeding moment it presents to you are the exquisitely adjusted pictures of your ever-moving thoughts."

- James Allen

Serenity

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Who are you?

Here is another guest posting. This one can be considered as a continuation of my previous blog, as it is written by Person B. I hope this gives a broader perspective of "the situation." (hahah Jersey Shore lawlz)


Who are you?



Jane Seymour once wrote, “When everything seems up in the air, and I don’t instantly know what to do next, I’ve found that if I take an honest look at myself and at my predicament, I have a stronger starting point from which to make decisions. If I do not, my decisions all seem to be off center”. I think that really resonates with me. Maybe it’s because Jane Seymour played Dr. Quinn in the TV show “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” [and I happened to be quite fond of that show while it was on TV]. Regardless, I think that statement says something about my nature and human nature in general.


It just happened that recently I got a taste of what that statement really means. I was faced with a situation which sent me into a conflict with the very nature of who I was. I couldn’t tell right from wrong because I hadn’t taken “an HONEST hard look at myself”. When I finally did figure out what the right decision was, it was too little too late. I had let myself stray so far off-centre from what and who I believe I am that I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I kept staring into the mirror, thinking to myself “WHO ARE YOU?” The worst part of all of this is not the turmoil I felt – it was the turmoil I had caused upon someone else. I had never thought in 1435279870 years that an action of mine would be so hurtful to anyone even my worst enemy.


Ultimately, at the end of the day, when we are all faced with decisions and predicaments that seem impossible, we have to take an honest look at ourselves. Once we are honest, we will realize that no matter how scary and painful the outcomes of our decision might be, it’s the right thing to do. This holds true for all decisions that have an impact on what I will define as human connections – meaning our interaction and communication with people we barely know as well as our closest friends and family.


Occasionally, you might still make the wrong decision. But regardless of whether or not we were wrong with/without the use of this method, FIGHT for human connection. The point of life is not to live every moment through the monocle of logic nor is it only about emotion. Find the balance & connect with someone along the way. Once you find that someone, be honest with yourself and with them, and maybe that’s the way to finding happiness. For you might wake up one day in a situation such as mine, where you have the Great Wall of China to overcome in order to fix your unforgiveable mistake and prove to that someone in your life that they can trust you.


Who am I? To be honest with you… on certain days I don’t know… but I will keep fighting.

LD

This too shall pass !

Even been betrayed by someone that you truly trusted? Ever been lied to? or deceived, or misled?

I recently found out that I have been lied to ... for months ... about something that I already had my suspicions about ! Something I asked and questioned about... for months !! The answer I received every single time... was a lie ! It's not really the CONTENT that bothers me. It's actually the CONTEXT. The situation is far too complicated, but to sum it up without exploiting other people's privacy, the story goes as follows:

Person A and I had established to disclose certain information upon its occurrence. When the "event" occurred, person A failed to notify me! I had my suspicions, and I asked many times whether this "event" had taken place or not. Person A always denied.

Person B, who happens to be a very close friend of mine was aware of this situation and also failed to inform me. Even though, I had asked about it many times.

Please note, that my emotions were deeply involved in this "event".

For the last couple of months (while this event has been taking place), I have been nothing but honest with both person A and B. I was hoping to receive the same level of honesty in return, as both people know how much I value honesty. My honesty with A however, has led this person to be very judgmental. I have been severely criticized about my actions. Meanwhile, A has been a hypocrite ! Basically, I was taken advantage of due to my unawareness.

Now B, knows my most inner thoughts. B was trusted... maybe too soon? maybe too much? B also knows that I'm a tough ass cookie. B knows I can handle things. Yet, failed to notify me that I was being fooled !

I value loyalty and honesty in a friendship. I try, to the best of my ability to be of "benefit" to my friends. My friends, also know that I can take a punch. I'm no longer the girl who will cry her heart out due to some mundane "event". So why lie for so long?

I'm not even too concerned about A, as A has been pretty much out of my life for 8 months. Also, A found out that B is aware of the situation, so in an encounter with A, I was told that "B is not to be trusted, because B lies alot and I should not be friends with B". I questioned that statement, and I got very ambiguous and insignificant answers. Now that I think about it, A traced a path for me to question B... so incase B ever told me about "the situation" (does anyone watch jersey shore... "the situation"?? LOLZ), I would not believe it. In addition, A had told B not to tell me about "the situation" becauseit would "crush me."

B however... I expected more from.

In short, both A and B, had several opportunities that they could have used, to tell me the truth.

So question is: When it comes to trust, does one have to earn your trust, or do you simply ask for it? (ps. I had a similar post about love)

Well the answer is.. for me anyway... that trust must be earned. Somehow, with B, my trust was just given. Perhaps I'm a bad judge of character.

I realize there is a spectrum to everything. Life is NOT black and white. I also believe in second chances, as I believe people are capable of change (which doesn't necessarily mean that they will). However, there are times where a second chance is not permitted. There are times where a single mistake is enough for me to snip snip ! lol ! It's like a mutation in DNA: there are silent mutations where there is no change in the amino acid sequence of a polypeptide (no real detectable changes occur). But there are also mutations that lead to cancer and other degenerative diseases !

At the end of the day, I'm upset with B. I expected more, as our friendship was truly special. It's unfortunate that B thought I needed to be "protected." I don't need protection ! I need the truth.

I'm not "crushed" about the situation and I'm not surprised at A. Frankly, I think it's hilarious how much A has been lying about so many different things... I didn't know people could have so much energy... to lie... so much !!!

My decision: I have forgiven and forgotten way too many incidences that have occurred with A over the years. I no longer feel that A's existence is essential in my life. As a matter of fact, I believe that my life would be ... more hassle free and stress free without A.

With B, it's a bit more complicated. I think if it was anyone else, I would have said "Sayonara." For now, I need to be away from B. I need space. Also, there now exists "the great wall of china" between B and I.

Do i regret putting my full trust in B? No ! I feel that in psychology, Regret is viewed positively. It is viewed as an emotion that allows people to refrain from making the same mistake. However, I don't think that's really what happens when people regret things. To me, regret is when one ruminates about the past! I will not ruminate, but I also will not repeat the same mistake again.

Note: I realize I said before that this "event/situation" that has occurred (and continues to occur lolz) involves my emotions. BUT... I truly believe in the power of thought. I like to be logical, and I like to have full control over my thoughts. Thoughts= emotions and if thoughts can be controlled, so can emotions. A friend of mine recently sent me the following image:

Yes, I know ... jeez a Tupac quote... but it's a good one.. he is talking about ruminating. So, in his terms, I now leave the pieces on the floor, with my head held high, and move the fuck on ! (oopppsss le pardon le language).

The past is the past... What's important is the present. YAY (thank you Eckhart Tolle for teaching me this lol). He is a genius, I highly recommend his books. Here is another quote:

"If you resist what happens, you are at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness."

Also, I didn't write this blog to bash either A or B. I wrote it in case someone else has/will experience the same thing... they'll know that they are not alone. If someone betrays you, hurt you or disappoints you... evaluate to see if you deserve what you have been faced with. If you don't, and if the situation is so bad, it's at the end of the spectrum... know that you deserve better ! DO NOT surround yourself with people that give you negative energy, or hurt you, or take advantage of you. Surround yourself with those who LOVE and adore you; those who are trustworthy, loyal and honest. It is better to have ONE true friend, than to have twenty inadequate ones. Love yourself enough, to realize when to cut whom. Love yourself enough to protect yourself.

In case either A and/or B read this:

A: Im a tough cookie and I'm not "crushed" as you expected me to be. I hope that you are happy doing .... what it is that you're doing. I'm glad that you're no longer "numb" as you claimed to be. The five years that I knew you were great(ish lol) ! We shared some special times together ! However, I am no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you. I wish you all the best.

B: I've already said all I had to say. I will add this: LD. You will be missed.

discouraged

There are times, when we feel discouraged , damaged, drained, dejected... in simple terms... pure EMO!

Well, let me tell you about my emo weekend ! Every event that happened last week, accumulated and led me to become discouraged... I had become so pessimistic, I was so down... That I became immobilized. I had a fantastic day arranged with a loved one on Friday... but I had to cancel that... because I only wanted to sit at home... and drown in my own misfortune.

Often ... if Im sad or grumpy or cranky.. or whatever... I do one of two things: I either clean (excessively) or sleep (excessively).

The insomniac that I am... I decided to sleep... but couldn't... so I took a sleeping pill ! (two to be exact). I hallucinated for a while... and it took me three hours until i finally fell asleep (at 3am). I woke the next day at 3 pm ... I was so cranky... but I decided to make a change !! I decided that I could no longer let my emotions take over me. I had to change... not a tiny change... but a lifestyle change. So I decided to begin by changing my environment. I spent the entire Saturday and most of Sunday remodelling my entire room. Alone. (ps. My muscles are in a lot of pain.. moving a huge bed, a desk, a book case... all on my own...ouchies).

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going"

-Jim Ryun

I will update you about this change... I realize that I didn't specify why I was so down... maybe one day I will...

but for now, I want to leave you with a couple of encouraging quotes:

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

- Alexander Graham Bell

“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

- Ghandhi

Adenovirus disrupts cancer cells !!!! or they HOPE

Salk Institute for Biological Studies:

Ok, so we know that our precious p53 (which is a tumor suppressor protein) is involved in preventing cancer. So p53 generally eliminates abnormal cells from the body ( or any virus-infected cells). Similar to tumor cells adenoviruses (main cause of upper respiratory infections) multiply better when p53 is not around.

According to Dr. O'Shea, adenoviruses do not inactivate p53 directly. Instead, they target the genome itself. Adenovirus brings in E1B-55K (a protein encoded by the E1B genomic region of Adenovirus), which binds to and degrades p53... and thus inhibiting apoptosis in the infected cells. So if adenovirus didn't have E1B-55K, it wouldn't be able to inactivate p53, and would only be able to replicated in tumor cells that are p53-deficient. So then, each time it ruptures the host cell to release viral progenies, the next generation of viruses leave normal cells unharmed while seeking out the remaining cancer cells. And According to Dr. O'Shea,

"This makes adenovirus a perfect candidate for oncolytic cancer therapy."

Dr. Conrado Soria, notes that "the inability of the E1B-55K-mutant virus to replicate in normal cells was not because the virus failed to degrade p53."

Due to rapid degradation, p53 is found to be at low levels in normal and unstressed cells. However, if there is DNA damage, activation of oncogenes or infection, degradation of p53 is stopped and thus its levels accumulate. This accumulation stop the cell cycle or induce apoptosis by activating p53 target genes. As Dr. Soria predicted, normal cells that had been infected with adenovirus that LACKED E1B-55K, p53 accumulated but target genes were still able to be turned on ... making apoptosis possible. This is because of another protein in the adenovirus ! YAY ! The E4-ORF3 ... this protein is a beast ! It modifies chromatin, so that parts of chromosomes condenses into heterochromatin, so that the regulatory regions of p53 target genes somewhere thats inaccessible. Therefore, the tumor suppressor cant bind to its target genes anymore, p53 becomes useless and apoptosis no longer occurs.

What does all this mean? it means that Dr. O'Shea "HOPES" to understand how high levels of wild type p53 may be inactivated in cancer ! He says, "our study really changes the longstanding definition of how p53 is inactivated in adenovirus-infected cells and will finally allow us to develop true p53 tumor selective oncolytic therapies."