Breath of Fresh Air

I read this quote on someone's blog today... I found it to be a breath of fresh air... just rejuvenating...

"Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God, will come to know God because they know you." ~Anonymous

I wait, I hope and I pray !

Does my heart and thoughts have to be pure? 

Am I to strip myself down to the core, become vulnerable and submit? 

Why was it easier to believe and to feel God when I was young? 

I wait... I hope... and I pray, to feel close once again,

to feel the love, the comfort, the ease, and the protection.

Be the dance!

"One With Life.

Being one with life is being one with Now. You then realize that you don't live your life, but life lives you.

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance."

Quote by Eckhart Tolle ! 

Kaleidoscopic world !

Please take some time.. everyday for introspection and self-analyzation.

Because your thoughts become habits and habits become circumstances. 

"The world is your kaleidoscope, and the varying combinations of colors which at every succeeding moment it presents to you are the exquisitely adjusted pictures of your ever-moving thoughts."

- James Allen

Serenity

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Who are you?

Here is another guest posting. This one can be considered as a continuation of my previous blog, as it is written by Person B. I hope this gives a broader perspective of "the situation." (hahah Jersey Shore lawlz)


Who are you?



Jane Seymour once wrote, “When everything seems up in the air, and I don’t instantly know what to do next, I’ve found that if I take an honest look at myself and at my predicament, I have a stronger starting point from which to make decisions. If I do not, my decisions all seem to be off center”. I think that really resonates with me. Maybe it’s because Jane Seymour played Dr. Quinn in the TV show “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” [and I happened to be quite fond of that show while it was on TV]. Regardless, I think that statement says something about my nature and human nature in general.


It just happened that recently I got a taste of what that statement really means. I was faced with a situation which sent me into a conflict with the very nature of who I was. I couldn’t tell right from wrong because I hadn’t taken “an HONEST hard look at myself”. When I finally did figure out what the right decision was, it was too little too late. I had let myself stray so far off-centre from what and who I believe I am that I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I kept staring into the mirror, thinking to myself “WHO ARE YOU?” The worst part of all of this is not the turmoil I felt – it was the turmoil I had caused upon someone else. I had never thought in 1435279870 years that an action of mine would be so hurtful to anyone even my worst enemy.


Ultimately, at the end of the day, when we are all faced with decisions and predicaments that seem impossible, we have to take an honest look at ourselves. Once we are honest, we will realize that no matter how scary and painful the outcomes of our decision might be, it’s the right thing to do. This holds true for all decisions that have an impact on what I will define as human connections – meaning our interaction and communication with people we barely know as well as our closest friends and family.


Occasionally, you might still make the wrong decision. But regardless of whether or not we were wrong with/without the use of this method, FIGHT for human connection. The point of life is not to live every moment through the monocle of logic nor is it only about emotion. Find the balance & connect with someone along the way. Once you find that someone, be honest with yourself and with them, and maybe that’s the way to finding happiness. For you might wake up one day in a situation such as mine, where you have the Great Wall of China to overcome in order to fix your unforgiveable mistake and prove to that someone in your life that they can trust you.


Who am I? To be honest with you… on certain days I don’t know… but I will keep fighting.

LD

This too shall pass !

Even been betrayed by someone that you truly trusted? Ever been lied to? or deceived, or misled?

I recently found out that I have been lied to ... for months ... about something that I already had my suspicions about ! Something I asked and questioned about... for months !! The answer I received every single time... was a lie ! It's not really the CONTENT that bothers me. It's actually the CONTEXT. The situation is far too complicated, but to sum it up without exploiting other people's privacy, the story goes as follows:

Person A and I had established to disclose certain information upon its occurrence. When the "event" occurred, person A failed to notify me! I had my suspicions, and I asked many times whether this "event" had taken place or not. Person A always denied.

Person B, who happens to be a very close friend of mine was aware of this situation and also failed to inform me. Even though, I had asked about it many times.

Please note, that my emotions were deeply involved in this "event".

For the last couple of months (while this event has been taking place), I have been nothing but honest with both person A and B. I was hoping to receive the same level of honesty in return, as both people know how much I value honesty. My honesty with A however, has led this person to be very judgmental. I have been severely criticized about my actions. Meanwhile, A has been a hypocrite ! Basically, I was taken advantage of due to my unawareness.

Now B, knows my most inner thoughts. B was trusted... maybe too soon? maybe too much? B also knows that I'm a tough ass cookie. B knows I can handle things. Yet, failed to notify me that I was being fooled !

I value loyalty and honesty in a friendship. I try, to the best of my ability to be of "benefit" to my friends. My friends, also know that I can take a punch. I'm no longer the girl who will cry her heart out due to some mundane "event". So why lie for so long?

I'm not even too concerned about A, as A has been pretty much out of my life for 8 months. Also, A found out that B is aware of the situation, so in an encounter with A, I was told that "B is not to be trusted, because B lies alot and I should not be friends with B". I questioned that statement, and I got very ambiguous and insignificant answers. Now that I think about it, A traced a path for me to question B... so incase B ever told me about "the situation" (does anyone watch jersey shore... "the situation"?? LOLZ), I would not believe it. In addition, A had told B not to tell me about "the situation" becauseit would "crush me."

B however... I expected more from.

In short, both A and B, had several opportunities that they could have used, to tell me the truth.

So question is: When it comes to trust, does one have to earn your trust, or do you simply ask for it? (ps. I had a similar post about love)

Well the answer is.. for me anyway... that trust must be earned. Somehow, with B, my trust was just given. Perhaps I'm a bad judge of character.

I realize there is a spectrum to everything. Life is NOT black and white. I also believe in second chances, as I believe people are capable of change (which doesn't necessarily mean that they will). However, there are times where a second chance is not permitted. There are times where a single mistake is enough for me to snip snip ! lol ! It's like a mutation in DNA: there are silent mutations where there is no change in the amino acid sequence of a polypeptide (no real detectable changes occur). But there are also mutations that lead to cancer and other degenerative diseases !

At the end of the day, I'm upset with B. I expected more, as our friendship was truly special. It's unfortunate that B thought I needed to be "protected." I don't need protection ! I need the truth.

I'm not "crushed" about the situation and I'm not surprised at A. Frankly, I think it's hilarious how much A has been lying about so many different things... I didn't know people could have so much energy... to lie... so much !!!

My decision: I have forgiven and forgotten way too many incidences that have occurred with A over the years. I no longer feel that A's existence is essential in my life. As a matter of fact, I believe that my life would be ... more hassle free and stress free without A.

With B, it's a bit more complicated. I think if it was anyone else, I would have said "Sayonara." For now, I need to be away from B. I need space. Also, there now exists "the great wall of china" between B and I.

Do i regret putting my full trust in B? No ! I feel that in psychology, Regret is viewed positively. It is viewed as an emotion that allows people to refrain from making the same mistake. However, I don't think that's really what happens when people regret things. To me, regret is when one ruminates about the past! I will not ruminate, but I also will not repeat the same mistake again.

Note: I realize I said before that this "event/situation" that has occurred (and continues to occur lolz) involves my emotions. BUT... I truly believe in the power of thought. I like to be logical, and I like to have full control over my thoughts. Thoughts= emotions and if thoughts can be controlled, so can emotions. A friend of mine recently sent me the following image:

Yes, I know ... jeez a Tupac quote... but it's a good one.. he is talking about ruminating. So, in his terms, I now leave the pieces on the floor, with my head held high, and move the fuck on ! (oopppsss le pardon le language).

The past is the past... What's important is the present. YAY (thank you Eckhart Tolle for teaching me this lol). He is a genius, I highly recommend his books. Here is another quote:

"If you resist what happens, you are at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness."

Also, I didn't write this blog to bash either A or B. I wrote it in case someone else has/will experience the same thing... they'll know that they are not alone. If someone betrays you, hurt you or disappoints you... evaluate to see if you deserve what you have been faced with. If you don't, and if the situation is so bad, it's at the end of the spectrum... know that you deserve better ! DO NOT surround yourself with people that give you negative energy, or hurt you, or take advantage of you. Surround yourself with those who LOVE and adore you; those who are trustworthy, loyal and honest. It is better to have ONE true friend, than to have twenty inadequate ones. Love yourself enough, to realize when to cut whom. Love yourself enough to protect yourself.

In case either A and/or B read this:

A: Im a tough cookie and I'm not "crushed" as you expected me to be. I hope that you are happy doing .... what it is that you're doing. I'm glad that you're no longer "numb" as you claimed to be. The five years that I knew you were great(ish lol) ! We shared some special times together ! However, I am no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with you. I wish you all the best.

B: I've already said all I had to say. I will add this: LD. You will be missed.